Stuck in the Middle.

Do you find yourself feeling stuck between friends, colleagues or family members? 

Not wanting to be in the middle of people in conflict is certainly reasonable. Sometimes we are asked to take sides and sometimes we just take on the role of rescuer.  Either way, it's a common dilemma and when it's self inflicted, it generally comes from a belief that people who don't get along need to get along. When we believe this thought, we feel stuck and frustrated. And then we take action to try to control or manipulate the situation.  From there the wheels of drama begin to spin.

Is it possible for someone to put you in the middle? In my experience, the only way to be in 'the middle' is to have the thought that there something wrong with the way things are. To be in 'the middle' is to be in conflict with the way of things.  I say it's not possible for someone to put me in that position without my permission. Only I can put myself there. And only I can take myself out. 

So, the next time you find yourself in the middle or about to jump into the middle of someone else's conflict, get yourself out. 
 
How?
First, question the thought that has (or had) you enter the triangle.  What's the worst that could happen if you stayed out of it?
Second, bring yourself fully back into your business. 
Third, trust people to work it out or not. 
And forth, get into the habit of being an observer. Learn to appreciate and embrace the people in your life without needing to change or fix anything about them. 

This may feel awkward at first.  You can certainly ask if there is anything you can do to support your friend, colleague or family member.  And, you can let them know that you trust them to work it out. 

This, in my experience is compassion and unconditional friendship.

Save time and just ask.

Do you make assumptions? Do you then act on that assumption?
How's that working out for ya?  Sometimes you're right, sometimes you're wrong. 

In my experience, the times I'm wrong end up hurting me or others and create misunderstandings. In some cases, I've even missed out on great opportunities because I made an assumption.

So, what stops you from asking for clarity? 
I'm too busy. I know. They don't want me to ask. They'll think I'm ______. 
More assumptions!
Next time you find yourself making an assumption, consider this: Would you rather have someone create up a story (an assumption) about what you are thinking and feeling? Or, would you prefer if they ask you?

My unsolicited advice almost every time: Save time and just ask.
Take time today to check out your assumptions. You might get to know people and be surprised at what is really going on. Robyn

Connecting with your humanness

I believe that life is a journey of connection to self and to others.  In relationships, sharing all of who I am with others seems to come naturally. Though it wasn't always that way!  I remember hiding the parts of me that felt weak or inferior to my ideal self. What I've found is that sharing all of me has been a great way to learn more about myself.  Through reaching out to others, I am able to not only get support but also to give them an opportunity to grow with me.  The deeper connection to self and others is, in my mind, the whole point of this life. 

How do you feel when someone reaches out to you for support? Does it feel like a burden or is it gratifying that they would want to include you?  

I challenge you today to reach out and share yourself with a friend. Not just what's going well for you in life, but also the part of you that is learning and needing support.  What good is it to have friends that you only share good news with?  What about the stuff in between?  The experiences of growing and learning?  Sharing all of our humanness with each other is equally valuable.  In my experience, it's another door to connect through.

The ability to make an emotional connection is so often misunderstood. It's not just about being emotional or showing emotion. It's about making a human connection ~ one person to another. 

In love, light and connection, Robyn

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one. ~ C.S. Lewis